Picnic on Asgard
by Asit Sparkle
Summary: Yeah, and Avengers/ Torchwood/ sherlock, but it won't let me, based off an omeagle chat, just a bit of fun really. Rated K because of flirting and one use of language FYI I cut three pages of Jack flirting.


A strange blue box appears in the beautiful gardens of Asgard, and a strange man in a suit steps out. He smiles at the young man. "Hello there!" A loud bang is heard. "Cass! Can you stop Dean touching the controls!" He ducked his head back into the strange object. "And John, Sherlock is far too close to my sonic for my likin- NO! Gwen! Don't go in the library, Jack and Ianto are in there!" His attention is turned back to the boy. "Sorry about them, they're wonderful really, what's your name?"

"I am Loki, god of lies and mischief. Who are you and what are you doing here?" He said in a calm voice, eyes narrowed at the strange man.

"Oh! I'm the Doctor!" He holds out his hand. "How rude of me!"

Loki looked down at the hand but didn't shake it. "What are you doing here, Doctor?"

"Just stopping by! I love new worlds! So you're the infamous Loki?"

"That's what I said." He said folding his arms.

"Pleasure to meet you!" He beamed.

Sherlock walked out of the T.A.R.D.I.S. "Do we really need to come to Asgard? There is about to be a royal debate! Oh, Loki, arrogant." He nods at him.

Loki tilts his head. "Asgard? What do you want there?"

"Like I said, love new worlds." He sees Sherlock is about to say something. "No! Sherlock! Leave him alone!"

Loki ignored Sherlock. "It is forbidden for mortals to go to that realm."

'Ah, yes, well, that's alright, most of us aren't mortals anyway… I heard that Jack!" Jack walks out and sees Loki.

"Captain jack Harkness, and who are you?" He holds out his hand.

"Jack… stop it." The Doctor warned. Loki didn't even look at him, Sherlock adds;

"Believe me Jack your efforts would be wasted, besides he's a-" The Doctor shuts him up. "Don't mind him!"

"I don't." Loki said and gave a sigh. "You seem to have quite a lot of companions."

"Yes, well, the more the merrier." He beamed. "I can go anywhere, anywhen."

"You can? That would be no easy task."

"Nah, with sex- my baby here it's easy." He pats the T.A.R.D.I.S.

Sherlock turns to Loki. "Tell your brother his efforts with Freya are pointless, she's with someone."

"What? Why should I care? How would you know that?" Loki asks, puzzled. The Doctor sighs.

"Simple. I notice things. For example the paleness and obvious temperature of your skin, your hair colour all indicates that yo-" The

Doctor shoved Sherlock back into the T.A.R.D.I.S "John! Keep him under control!" He rolled his eyes. "Every time…"

"How does he know?" He looks at the Doctor.

"Like he said, he notices things."

Dean, Sam and, Cass burst out of the T.A.R.D.I.S. "SHERLOCK SAID LOKI WAS OUT HERE! WHERE? I'LL KILL HIM! THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!"

"What the-" Loki starts.

"Dean, NO!" The Doctor holds him back. "This is the real Loki! I swear!

"Get back demon!" Loki summons his spear and holds it in front of him.

"Dean! T.A.R.D.I.S! Now!"

Dean glares. "I'm watching you!" He allows Sam to drag him back into the strange blue box.

Loki still holds his spear in his hand. "You have quite the companions Doctor."

"Yeah…" The Doctor nods, Cass steps forward.

"My apologies, my brother once disguised himself as you, he has a history with Dean, we thought that it was happening again."

"I almost care."

Cass tilted his head. "Is this sarcasm?"

"Yes it is, if you need to know, I don't care at all."

"I see… Dean has told me of sarcasm, I am better at recognising it now I have been on earth so long."

Loki laughed suddenly. "Now you are something new. I never met one of you. I only had a few visits from Mephisto."

"Ah, yes, well, it's complicated, usually I would be serving my father in heaven.

"But you are not."

"No… I suppose you could say I ran away."

"Ran away from heaven? How strange. Some people I know would die to get a few samples. Or you."

Cass nods. "Heaven is not…" He strains to remember the phrase Dean used. "…All it is cracked up to be."

Loki shrugged. "I wouldn't know, I'm fine with Valhalla."

"You would be." Cass says, suddenly Gwen bursts from the T.A.R.D.I.S.

"Sorry Jack's pissing about with the-" The Doctor runs inside to stop him, "Who are you sweetie?" She asks Loki.

"I am a God." He says, looking unimpressed at her.

"I meant your name, silly." She says, unflinching.

"God is fine."

"He's Loki." Cass tells Gwen, who squeals and pulls him into a hug.

"Oh my poor baby! I'm so sorry!"

"Don't touch me." Loki said sharply and pulled away.

"Sorry." She grinned. "It's just The Doctor told me about you, I'm sorry about your dad and all." The doctor re- emerges from the T.A.R.D.I.S, wiping oil from his sonic. Loki looks at him,

"Whatever you are, or were doing, keep yourselves out of my life."

The Doctor grinned, unfazed. "Sorry about Gwen, she's a people person." Ianto calls Gwen in for coffee.

"Oh, Doctor, we're out of milk, I'm blaming Sherl- oh! Hello." He sticks out his hand. "I'm Jones, Ianto Jones."

Loki gave a sigh. "Any more people I don't care about going to introduce themselves?" Ianto looked a little offended but continued talking. "Umm… no matter what Jack says, he has a boyfriend…"

Loki raises his eyebrow. "And I should care because?"

"Ummm… well, he, uh." He coughs, turning pink, "Has a way with people." Loki rolled his eyes. "You'd know all about that though, being god o- never mind."

"Are you finished now? Good."

"Charming." He sighs, a crash comes from inside the box. He heads back. "Jack I swear if you-"

"What chaotic, strange, people you are."

"Yeah, we're good at that, you're lucky Tony isn't here…" The Doctor smirks

Loki sighs. "What?"

"Oh never mind, another time, might I ask what language you are speaking? My T.A.R.D.I.S can't recognise it."

"I speak the all- tongue. Everyone who hears it, understands it as their first language."

"Huh, that'd save time, they should have taught it at the academy…" He looks away sadly.

"Only the gods are able to speak it."

"Well I'm a lord…"

"I'm a god in bed!" A voice shouts from inside.

"Shut up Jack."

Loki looked at them with his nonchalant expression. "People would think you are funny."

"They do, in more ways than one." He grinned, then the smile is wiped from his face. "What day is it today?"

"Umm… Moonday I think." Loki says, raising an eyebrow.

The Doctor sighed, "That's not too bad, I meant to be here on Thu- Thorsday but _someone_" He glares at the blue box. "Can't land on the right date." Jack walks out, bored.

"Doctor… Can we go now, Ianto won't let me have any fun." He winked at Loki. "He's just a friend handsome, I promise."

Loki put his hand to his face. "By all the nine realms, stop talking."

"Hey he's kinda cute." Jack smirked. "And a sharp tongue too… I bet I could find something to d-"

"Jack! Stop it now!" The Doctor glares at him. Loki raises and eyebrow.

"See? He likes me." Jack winks again.

Loki rolled his eyes but actually smiled. "You're joker aren't you?"

"I'm whatever you want me to be, gorgeous." The Doctor mimed barfing as Jack spoke.

Loki sighed but chuckled. "The last one to talk to me like that lost his head."

"I'll bet they did." He grinned. "I wouldn't mind."

"It was a bloody mess, I'm sure you would mind."

"Nah, you could keep it as a reminder, I'd soon grow a new one." He smirked.

"You would need to." Loki retorted.

"Yeah, more eyes to see you with." Jack winked again.

"You talk like that to everyone? Or only to people who look as godly as I do?"

"Only you, gorgeous."

"Now I feel incredibly special." Loki said with a bored tone.

"You should do." He edged slightly close.

"I don't"

"Well I can change that." He poked out his tongue.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope." He lied. "Why? You offering?"

"I think it's always funny to see people think they can lie to me." He said with a smile.

"Me? Lie? To you?" He threw a mock offended look. "Never!"

Loki put up a hand and petted him on the head. "Maybe another time, pretty one." He said and took a few steps back, smirking.

"Pretty? He called me pretty! Oh, I am having you!"

"Nobody is 'having' me"

"I dunno, I like my chances."

"I am a God, little man."

"Little? I'm bigger than you, and I'm immortal."

"I'm a giant, in no way smaller than you."

"Really?" He stands over the boy. "I think I'm taller."

"Hmm, seems so."

Jack smirks and pats him on the head. "There, there."

"Do that again and I will bring you personally to Hel."

Jack withdraws his hand, looks at him, and does it again. "That's like telling me not to push a big red button."

The Doctor had walked into the T.A.R.D.I.S long ago, and had decided that letting Jack loosen Loki up might stop him from… well, time travelling had it's uses. Suddenly Ianto appears, Sherlock in tow.

"Where's Jack?"

Sherlock butted in before he could answer. "Outside."

"You left him unattended? You know what he's like!" He sprinted out of the console room, glaring at the The Doctor, returning a few minutes later with a very pouty Jack, who was rubbing the side of his face. Owen and Gwen were giggling in the corner, John was stopping Sherlock fiddling with the console, and Tosh was on her laptop. Dean and Sam were asleep in the corner, Cass sitting next to them. The Doctor suddenly receives a call from Tony, apparently Loki thought it was funny to set some Bidersnap's loose in Times Square…

The Doctor sighed. "Allons-y!"


End file.
